Liberation through ignorance

I am deluded. Not just stupid, not merely foolish, but deluded.

In that happy little thought lies the crux of the teachings of Shuichi Maida, whose essays "The Evil Person" I have been reading the past few days.

"What is a deluded person? He thinks that he knows something. He has not yet awakened to the fact that he knows nothing at all. But if a deluded person awakens to the fact that he knows nothing at all, he is a buddha. He can easily become a buddha."

I hadn't even heard of Shuichi Maida until last week. Along with several other members from temple, I accompanied Jerry B. to a lecture at the Maida Center of Buddhism in Berkeley. The center is operated by Dr. Nobuo Haneda, a scholar and lifelong student of the writings of Maida. Jerry spoke excitedly of the lecture as we crossed the Bay Bridge from San Francisco to the East Bay, and I confessed I knew nothing of his writings.

"Is this going to be another one of those earth shattering experiences?," I asked him.

He smiled and nodded.

He was right. Well, just about. It has been an ego rattling experience.

Maida understands the power of the ego, and its ability to color and distort how we see the world around us. Most important, he understands its ability to distort our perception of ourselves and how that in turn alters our view of what is real and true. "Eliminating knowledge backed by objective logic is synonymous with eliminating the obstacles which alienate and separate people from fundamental universal life," he writes in "The 'Genuine Trust' that Comes from Ignorance".

It begs a great many questions on my part: why am I studying Buddhism? What do I hope to attain through these studies? How much of this is really just a course in ego stroking? If I believe what Maida writes - indeed, what Shinran himself wrote - about objective knowledge over true knowledge of myself, then am I deluding myself with these studies?

I don't think so.

I live a life of insecurity, wondering constantly whether I measure up intellectually, physically, and in my professional abilities. I live with depression which brings further doubts. But through all of this, I have the comfort of knowing I am saved through the endless generosity of Amida's vow to save all beings. In fact, it is precisely because of my insecurities and faults, my fears and disabilities, my shortcomings and egoism, for which I am saved.

On that basic understanding I can build my subjective knowledge. I am no better a human being for it, but Amida has extended his compassion to me precisely because of my failures.